After I came out to my mom (Coming Out - Part 1), I knew it was hard for her. All this time I'd had a secret. But I'd opened up and told my mom - and now she had a secret. I knew I had to tell my sister. But I was scared. (Isn't it usually the other way around? Confide in the siblings, then try and find a way to tell your parents?) But my sister was the one person I was most afraid of telling.
Why? Well, for starters, my sister had just come back from an 11 month around-the-world missions trip. My sister is - to say the least - religious. She has been quite involved in church since early high school, after coming out of a deep depression and being saved by God (and saying goodbye to antidepressants). I have so much respect for her religious beliefs and dedication to the Lord. But...it doesn't tend to fit in so well with gay. And also...my sister and I don't talk about sex. Ever. This probably has something to do with her religious views. But we've never spoken about sex. We've never swapped stories of losing virginity. Hell, for all I know she may still be a virgin!
So telling my sister that I'm attracted to women, that I prefer sex with women, that I have a girlfriend...that was scary stuff.
But I sucked it up and did it. Through email still, because in that respect I'm a big fat pussy. (But also because my mom appreciated that I told her via email, because it gave her a chance to react, soak it in, reflect before she responded.) I basically wrote her the same email I sent my mom. But I did include that my mom already knew, that she was welcome to speak to mom or anyone else about it to help her deal.
Here was her response:
I love you. You're right, it came out of the blue and will take time to adjust to, but you'll always be the BSW. (Note: BSW stands for "best sissy in the world") I can't imagine how hard it was to tell us, but I'm glad you were able to. Love you mucho.
And that was it. That's the last we spoke about it. That was April 22.
We're still great friends, we get along, go to baseball games, talk, etc. I was home for almost two weeks and everything was the same as it ever was. Except that we didn't talk about it. We didn't talk about my girlfriend, who means the world to me and is basically all I talk about. A few times I brought Callie up, threw her name into a conversation. But it never led to anything, she never reacted to it. Even when we broke up for a day, and I was bawling my eyes out in my bed, my sister quietly came into my room, got my dog and took her out, and that was it.
I'm glad my sister still loves me, that nothing has changed. Except...EVERYTHING has changed. And we don't acknowledge it.
It's weird, isn't it? I mean, it's not total rejection, but it's not the same as acceptance. My family doesn't talk about it either, but they don't even acknowledge my gf and they still have my husband over often (they live 5 hours away) when he takes our son to visit. So far I keep my distance from them because it hurts too much that they won't even acknowledge my gf, and blame her entirely for everything that happened. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to ramble. I guess I'm just relieved that I'm not the only one! Thank you soooo much for sharing your story.
~ GlitterGirl
Hey GG :) No worries, I tend to ramble too. I'm sorry your family doesn't acknowledge it. It *is* really weird, isn't it? Luckily my mom is completely 100% accepting. She even went out and bought a book about homosexuality and the Bible to help prepare her for the Bible thumpers (not my sister, but their church...they really came down on homosexuality recently and my mom took it really personally) - I'll try and write about it sometime. She and I TALK about it though. We have conversations about me being gay. We talk about how she came to terms with it. We talk about things she's faced and how she views things (like the stuff at church) differently since it's been relevant to someone in her family. We talk about my girlfriend all the time. My sister and I don't. It's just...kind of weird.
DeleteI'm glad my story helps someone. I write for me, because it helps, but I'm so glad it can help others as well. Please keep reading and commenting, it means the world to me. :)
Awh, that's tough. It's hard to know how to take that. On one hand she says she still loves you but on the other hand she won't talk to you about it.
ReplyDeleteI think she's still in an adjustment phase herself. I mean look at it, when you broke up with Callie and she came to get your dog... she was trying to help you out. Just because she doesn't know the words to say yet doesn't mean she isn't still there.
Give her time, hopefully it'll come.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI can relate to what you're writing about. My sister and i have never in our lives had a conversation about sex. I have no plans to tell her I have a girlfriend now, but I can only say to myself that if we never spoke about sex when I was straight, there's no reason to feel upset that we probably will never talk about it now I'm not. But the commenter above was right--if she came in and walked your dog for you, she was showing you love.