Ch-Ch-Changes

On Day 2, I woke to a text message at 8:35 am:

"Are you awake?"

I replied "Yeah, sorta."


"Me and D have broken up. I know I'm not meant to be talking to you but I thought you'd want to know."


Well THAT sure woke me up!





After a lot of talking, they decided that their marriage wasn't working, that she needs to be true to who she is, and that this isn't fair on either of them.  And so, they're splitting up.

Before she'd even told me, he had called his parents and told them.  Telling his (super conservative, America-hating English) parents is a BIG deal.  HUGE.  When they split last year, his parents were basically the only ones who didn't know.  D packed up the kids and took him to his parents for a few days so they could have some space (and so she could talk to me without it being awkward).  And Callie called and explained to his parents that she is a lesbian.  That they have tried so hard to make the marriage work, but they just can't.  She even told them a bit about me. Incredibly brave, difficult stuff.


So what does this mean for us?  Well basically, it means we can have the happy ending I've always dreamed.  The life I've always wanted, with the love of my life, is within my reach.  I'm still so overwhelmed and shocked I can barely handle it.  Sometimes I'm still not sure I can let myself believe it because I'm so afraid it will get snatched away again.  But it's all so different than before.  So real.

Right now, Callie and I have agreed to take things slowly (though we're terrible at that, and it's already not really happening).  I still have a plane ticket back to England for June 3 so we do need to talk about it and make some plans.  But we agreed to stick to April 15th when D goes back to work (if you recall, the date we had set to test out the waters of contact again) before we start making any plans or really discussing "us."  (But again, we totally suck at that!)  Give her time to let it all sink in.

But I think this will be good.  For all of us.  Callie seems happier than I've seen her in a long time.  Even though she's going through one of the most difficult times of her entire life, she's able to laugh and joke with me.  Even though she's freaking out about the reality of her marriage breaking up, she's also able to look forward to the future with me.  About this time last year, plans of moving out would stop her heart.  Thoughts of D with another woman made her cry.  And those things are still scary and terrible.  But she can acknowledge that he deserves someone who...quite frankly, enjoys his penis.  We've discussed that his next girlfriend will probably be thin and blonde and girly.  And definitely not a lesbian.

I think that she can see that while they both love each other so much, sometimes it's just not enough to make it work.  And because they love each other so much, they need to let one another go and find their true happiness.  I know they will stay friends.  And I'm ok with that.  What was so hard for me this last year is suddenly much easier.  They will be friends, and hopefully so will we.  I genuinely think D is a great guy.  But my extreme jealousy got in the way, and our awkwardness prevented us from ever being friends.  But now, maybe that awkwardness can clear and we can become friendly again. Maybe some day Callie, me, D and the girly blonde will be able to go out to dinner together, laugh about the old days, and just...be friends.

 D even said to her today "I know the kids will be better off with Melanie in their lives. I know she loves them so much and will teach them things and be like a parent to them."  It made me cry, and just thinking about it now, I'm welling up again.  While this is the scariest thing either of them has probably ever gone through, I think it could end up beng truly wonderful for everyone.

I am so so so proud of Callie.  This is a very brave, very scary thing she is doing.  She is choosing to be true to herself, when the easier path would probably be to shove down her feelings and live the life she signed up for.  She is the strongest person I know, and I am completely amazed at the strength she's shown in making this decision. What a weight lifted, to finally stop trying to force herself to be bi because she loves a man, to finally be able to say "I'm gay."

So I'm trying to be cautious, but I'm optimistic.  It looks like forever with the love of my life is within my grasp.  As Callie says, "watch this space. I think we will have a happy ending."