99% Happy For Them

My little sister got engaged last night.

I am so so happy for her and her fiance, he's really truly a great guy, and already feels like part of the family. But...

You know that scene in Friends (Oh, I don't think I've ever mentioned this but I'm a HUGE Friends fanatic, and I believe basically everything in life relates back to Friends in one way or another) after Monica and Chandler get engaged, when Rachel and Phoebe are discussing how happy they are? It goes a little something like this:


Rachel: I’m so happy for them!
Phoebe: Me too! So happy for them!
Rachel: I’m so happy and not at all jealous.
Phoebe: Oh no! No, God, definitely not jealous!
Rachel: I mean I’m probably 98% happy, maybe 2% jealous. And I mean what’s 2%? That’s nothing.
Phoebe: Totally. I’m like 90/10.
Rachel: Yeah me too.

Ch-Ch-Changes

On Day 2, I woke to a text message at 8:35 am:

"Are you awake?"

I replied "Yeah, sorta."


"Me and D have broken up. I know I'm not meant to be talking to you but I thought you'd want to know."


Well THAT sure woke me up!

Cutting Contact

The last few days have been absolute and complete hell for me.  For both of us.  I thought I'd been through the worst of it, that things were supposed to start getting better.  But instead I found myself on Sunday lying under my covers hoping I'd run out of air.

We were both in a constant battle between head and heart, a never-ending state of limbo, going from "we need to get back together" to "we need to stop talking" in 30 seconds flat.  We both knew what we needed to do, but neither could face it and so we continued, holding on to each other for dear life and hoping somehow things would just get better.

Can't Get Myself Right

Upon last update, Callie's husband D had agreed it was okay for us to talk, but only as friends. No relationship-type talk.  But that was impossible.  Even the conversation where she broke the news was completely NOT "D Approved," as I call it.  Nor was the day-long conversation the following day.  Not even close.  And then he decided it didn't matter, she's an adult and can do whatever she wants.  So basically back where we started.

Anyway....

I wrote this blog entry a few days ago, when I was living in a constant state of limbo.  I didn't post it here at the time, but rather posted it on shybi, only because I wasn't sure how coherent it would turn out to be.  But here is a glimpse of my mental state the last few days: