A very complicated history

With permission from my beautiful Callie, I am going to write a bit about our very complicated relationship, and how we got to where we are now: exploring what I call a monogamous polyamorous relationship.  (More on that to come in a future post)  Now, let's start at the very beginning (as they say in The Sound of Music, it's a very good place to start).

A (not so) brief history of our relationship:

• Callie realized she was attracted to women well before Rhonda ever beat the realization out of me.  She told her husband immediately (you may remember, Callie is the most honest and forthcoming person I've ever met).  Her husband, finding it hot, pushed her into exploring these attractions.
• A few months later, Callie found Shy, where I had been a member for about a month.  She was on my radar (she doesn't believe it) but because of particular circumstances all we ever talked about was Grey's Anatomy.
• One day circumstances changed, and we started talking.  Neither of us knows how it happened, but the feelings hit us BAM! outta nowhere.  I was completely hooked, head over heels in love in under a day.  My heart didn't stand a chance, it was hers.
• We began discussing how we would make our love work.  She was married, and even though her husband was kind of an ass in the beginning of her sexual exploration, she loved him and never had any intention of leaving him.  (Again, her husband was aware of everything.  She kept him involved, never kept any secrets from him).
• Our relationship progressed and our love was growing every minute.  Her husband had a very hard time with it, and understandably so.  In the heat of the moment, he told her she had to choose.  She chose me.
• I felt like I had the fairy tale.  Our story was pulled straight out of Imagine Me & You.  An unstoppable force had met a seemingly immoveable object, and the object moved.  We began planning our life together.
• As happy as we were together, madly in love and sure we belonged together, Callie was still having doubts (and rightfully so).  Her husband is a good man.  He's all she's ever known.  They've been together since she was 17.  And she loves him.  
• We decided that in order for us to have a chance, she needed to try with him, to make sure that they DIDN'T have a chance.  So she was "with" both of us for about a week.  
• Callie decided she needed to commit to her husband, and would never fully know if she could make it work with him if she was giving so much of herself to me.  She also desperately wanted to spare me the hurt and pain I was going through.
• We were both miserable, and we got back together.
• Not too long after, we were both struggling with the situation. A lot.  She couldn't imagine her life without him, I loved her too much to share. So we ended it, I walked away.  To try to give them the happiness they deserve, to try and give myself what I thought I deserved.
• It was the worst time of our lives.  I found I couldn't breathe without her.  My life no longer made sense.  Everything I thought I ever wanted out of life, every dream I had...it was gone.  

So now, here we are, back where we started.  Trying to figure out how to handle a polyamorous relationship. But this time the stakes are higher.  Our hearts are completely in it.  We (all) know what we have to lose.  We are committed to making it work, no matter what.  Because we're worth it.