Callie and I both have our struggles. We come from such different situations. I have never had that lifelong bond, which makes it difficult to understand sometimes why her love for me just isn't enough. She's been with the same man her entire adult life (and then some) - so sometimes she doesn't get where I'm coming from.
We both struggle with feeling sometimes like this is an affair (even though her husband is aware and "ok" with it) - something we can't talk about, something everyone will judge.
I struggle being her secondary relationship. Especially having been her primary relationship for some months, it's difficult to feel like I've gone back to second place.
She struggles with trying to give herself equally to both of us, struggles with being able to give affections to us both at the same time.
I struggle with extreme jealousy. I am jealous of everything he gets to experience with her. Not just sex, but sleeping in the same bed. Quality time. Being able to kiss her. Living under the same roof (granted he's away at sea quite frequently). The fact that they're a family. The security he can give her that I never can. Wedding bands. History. Support of family and friends.
She struggles with hurting me. It kills her to see me sad, to know that she has made me sad. No matter how many times I say it's okay, she says she will never be okay with hurting me.
I struggle with the constant fear that she might end this at any time. That anything I say wrong could become the end of us. That she will feel too bad, that the guilt will be too much and she will end it to try to spare my feelings.
She struggles with the fear that I won't be able to handle this. That she will end up heartbroken in the end.
So many struggles. but never ever has a relationship been so worth it. We need to be strong for one another. When she is struggling, I do my best to be strong for her, and she the same. Because we need each other to get through this. Because we can't be without the other. ♥
It sounds like you are doing a good job communicating with each other. I felt like I couldn't live without my gf, which is why I left my husband. Dealing with the fallout sucks. He accuses me of choosing her over my son, but I've been clear with her from the beginning that he comes first before everyone. A friend asked me if it'd be fair to my son for me to stay and feel miserable and empty, tho. I chose the harder, less societally sanctioned road...which makes me feel like I'm crazy sometimes, but I felt like I simply couldn't live with my gf. I'm guessing you know how that feels.
ReplyDeleteYes, I definitely know how that feels. The "easy" thing to do would be to walk away, live life as society expects me to (or at least live that way with a woman). But I can't be without her... so it's the harder, less acceptable road for me.
DeleteThe road you are on is definitely a hard one. But as anonymous said, it sounds like you do have good communication between the two of you. You shut that down and your relationship won't last long. She may feel guilty when you are sad, but she is your support and you are hers. You may not be able to offer concerete solutions, but you can offer a shoulder.
ReplyDeleteSometimes deciding what to do is the hardest part.
Thanks Heather, I really appreciate that. We're trying our best, and that's all we can really do.
DeleteAs noted above, you have chosen a hard path to walk together, the three of you. It must take amazing communication skills, honesty, self-knowledge, and patience. But if it works for the three of you, then that is what counts. Someday society will grow up, put on its big-girl pants, and realize that strong, loving, supportive relationships benefit us all. I hope the nursing home I am in has news service so I get to hear about it! :-)
ReplyDeleteLaurie